A relationship is either bringing you to a desired destination of joy, love and laughter or it is a sinking-ship that is dragging you to lower lows.
Relation-ship; a connection between two people that transports both of them to a desired destination of love, health, community, adventure, and prosperity.
Sinking-ship; a connection between two people that has been capsized bringing both individuals to lower lows in all aspects of their lives.
Now, I am no relationship guru or master. In fact, I’ve never been married and I’ve wrecked a lot of relationships before they even left harbor, but I know one thing and that is, if I do exactly what I did in these past relationships, in the future, I am destined for the same outcome and that was something I was not willing to accept. So, I did a lot of work to change who I am, how I show up in this world, and got clear on the romantic relationship I desired in life. Guess what, this stuff works. It worked for me and countless others, it will work for you too.
So, whether you have been married for the last 40 years or have been single for the last 2, and have only had a few long term relationships, I know there is something here for you, so please hear me out.
And, remember that he who is older and continues to do the same thing is not necessarily wiser than he who is younger, he just has more experience doing the same thing over and over again, which creates the same outcome and this is the definition of insanity. Now, I am not implying you are insane, but if you are not happy with some of your relationship outcomes, then some actions must change for you to get a different result and that is what we are going to cover today.
So, if you are reading this or hearing me share this content, then one of three things are likely. You in a joyful, nourishing relationship, invested deeply in a relationship that is in need of a spicy overhaul, or you are recovering from a past relationship that created a lot of internal pain, and heartbreak. Not matter, where you stand, this is going to help spice things up a lot.
A healthy romantic relationship with a woman has the power to lift a man to higher levels of consciousness, a greater sense of fulfillment, prosperity across his entire life and a sense of love like he has never felt before.
Contrary, a toxic relationship will do the exact opposite. It will ruin a man, devoid him of all personal value, and drag him into such a state of despair that he may question his own existence and purpose. He will do and say absolutely ridiculous things under this poisoned state of mind.
And, as you likely know breakups hurt. Sometimes we heal quickly, sometimes slowly. One thing is for certain, pain always seems to materialize because as the word quite literally implies something inside of us “breaks”.
I’ve been through breakups, as have you. Our healing processes, while likely different shared one thing in common… pain. Physical, emotional, and spiritual pain.
I believe regardless of where we are in our relationship cycles, or our adventures in life, healing is always a part of our journey. And, for healing to truly take place we must take time to reflect on our past, learn from it, and move forward. And, until we learn, we will continue to experience pain from the past, or recreate the same patterns in future relationships leading to the same painful outcomes.
If you are not reinvested in a new relationship or the growth of your current relationship then you are still recovering or creating more wreckage and if you have not taken the time to reflect on the good, the bad and the ugly from this relationship then you are likely stuck in a cycle of recreating more of what you already had, and I know this is a painful place to be.
If that is what you desire, then great, this work is likely not for you. But I have more than a hunch that you do not desire to go through the same pile of shit as you did in your past. You don’t desire another painful breakup. You don’t desire the superficial, complaining, and rude communication. You don’t desire lies, disguise, games and a lack of trust. You don’t desire to have a person that you are close to that drags you down to lower lows. In fact you desire the opposites of all these.
You have a burning desire to have an active, healthy, balanced relationship built on the common values of trust, quality, kind, compassionate communication, physical, emotional and spiritual connection. You desire transparency and independence, shared and personal interests, financial stability and a shared belief that financial freedom is a near term aim. You have a desire to adventure and travel the world together.
Ultimately, you desire a relationship with a woman that loves you unconditionally, sets no expectations on you, and lifts you up to higher highs than you ever experienced before.
If this is what you really desire, and you do not have it yet, then doing more of what you are already doing will only get you more of what you already have or already had. For this reason, a deep honest reflection on your prior romantic relationships is an absolute must. It will shed light and conscious awareness on what you wish to carry with you into your next relationship and what you wish to leave behind.
Please use the following questions to inspire your romantic relationship reflection. Write the work into a personal notebook and once complete share it with a trusted friend, mentor, coach, or counselor.
Once you have completed this activity, you are ready to clearly define what your future relationship will look and feel like and a simple plan to turn it into a reality.
- Map the beginning, middle, and end. Everything in life has a beginning, middle and end point. Take some time to define what the beginning, middle and end of your prior relationship was like. What did you do, how did you feel, what key events occurred. Did you fall into the cycle of break up, get back together? Did you do things in the beginning that brought more spice to the relationship? What was the end like?
- What did I love about my past relationship that I wish to carry in to my next romantic partnership?
- What did I dislike about my past relationship that I need to work on so that it is not a part of my future romantic partnership?
- What created a sense of personal insecurities in my last relationship (events, other people, desires clashing)?
- Where did my partner and I not align from a beliefs and desires perspective, OR what did I want that my partner did not want? Did this create insecurity?
- Was our communication effective, open, transparent, honest, loving?
- How did my last relationship make me feel? Excited, happy, joyful, or depressed, sad, empty.
- Did my partner inspire me and lift me up to become a better version of myself or belittle me, try to burn my dreams and goals?
- Do I hold any resentments against this person today… how they treated me, things they said or did to me, lifestyle they chose to live that did not align with what I wanted? if, so, elaborate.
- Did my partner and I have the same beliefs on the following…
- Environment: Where we live.
- Adventure / Free Time Investment
- What did I not receive enough of in relationship that I really needed?
- Physical Touch
- Affirmations and Support
- Quality Time Together
- Acts of Goodwill
- Were there times when I felt like my partner was distant (emotionally, physically, etc.)? If so, how did this make me feel? Did I talk with my partner about these?
Create Your Romantic Relationship Manifestation
Now that you have completed your relationship reflection, it is time to clearly define what you want in your romantic relationship. Remember, settling for less than what our heart deeply desires will naturally create a sense of emptiness. You will create a life devoid of what you desire. Define what you want and when it shows up in your life have the courage to lean into it wholeheartedly. Don’t hesitate or you will miss it.
- Physical: What are you and your partners beliefs around sex and physical touch?
- Emotional: How does your relationship make you and your partner feel?
- Spiritual/Religious: Do you and your partner have a shared spiritual or religious beliefs? Do you both desire marriage and a committed relationship?
- Communication and Community: How do you and your partner communicate with each other? Do you have deep rich, open conversations or are you closed off? Are you both connected to a large community of friends and family? Do you have children? If so how many?
- Finance: Do your partner and you have common financial goals? Do you have an open and honest conversation about money? How much money do you have? Do you have debt, are you debt free? Do you donate any of the money you earn to causes you care about?
- Environment: Where do you live, work and play? Do you and your partner live in the same home? Do you have your own spaces? Do you spend some time each year apart from one another to create space for personal growth?
- Adventure: Do have shared interests? Do you travel the world together? What activities you both enjoy?
- Goals and Personal Growth: Do you have common goals? Do you support one-another’s desires for growth even if they may be different from your own?
An affirmation is simply a goal written as though it has already manifested in your life. It helps you experience the feelings as if it were already a reality.
Take a moment to write your relationship affirmation as if you have already attracted it into your life.
Example; I am so happy, and full of joy to be in a committed relationship with a loving, warmhearted, adventurous woman who loves me and supports my dreams.
Romantic Relationship Vision
Finally, create a vision card of what your relationship will look like. This is a small section that will be added to your life’s vision board. It is a collection of images and words that represent the relationship you desire to attract into your life. Below is an example of my vision card.
Now Get to Work
It’s time to get to work. We covered a lot here. And, while the work may seem overwhelming, you may want to set this aside to complete “someday”, I am going to ask that you task yourself with completing it over the week.
Schedule time to complete the work, put your head down, focus on this one thing, answer the questions, and share your work with a trusted confidant.
This work will change your life, improve your relationships, and lift you up to higher highs.
Need Additional Support?
And, if you don’t quite know where to start with this work or feel a bit overwhelmed, then schedule 15-minutes with me and let’s help you build some momentum toward a healthier happier life and relationship…