Eliminate People Pleasing: The Key To Real AuthenticityAug 24, 2021
It’s Mike Morelli here and in today’s video I’m going to share with you how you can stop burning your energy being a people pleaser and step into your true authentic self.
Unfortunately, men have been told that to be a real leader you have to help everyone. So when we don’t, we feel guilty and fear letting others down.
We wind up burning all of our energy trying to make everyone happy at the cost of making ourselves miserable.
The man who is able to be truly authentic leaves the biggest impact.
See if you say yes to any of these questions. Do you…
- Constantly feeling overwhelmed or stressed out?
- Rush throughout your day?
- Say yes more than no?
- Feel guilty if you’re not helping out?
- Constantly over-commit to plans and events?
- Find yourself stretched to thin?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, definitely watch this video right now.
In the video, I’m going to break down 3 key things for you:
- How to find out if you’re people pleasing.
- What the root problem is.
- How to STOP people pleasing in its tracks.
I know you’re going to absolutely love this video. Make sure you let me know in the comments section or in our free private Facebook community - Mindset Secrets For High Performing Adventurous Men.
Hey guys, it's Mike Morelli, here from peak prosper. And in today's video, I'm going to be teaching you how you can stop being a people pleaser. So that you can really start showing up as your true authentic self, a man that is confident, he's calm. He's peaceful, right? He's a role model and impacts others. And so this is such a common theme that I see, in Scott, we see amongst high performing adventurers men, because, you know, we want to impact people, we want to follow our passions, right. And we really want to inspire and lift other people up, that's just a huge attribute that I see so many men there and that are in our transformation program. We just really attract that type of people. And that's kind of why we decided to all really build this up together as community moving forward, right? And so you know, what, why does this happen? So in this video, I'm going to explain to you the symptoms, right, like, really showing like, how does this show up in our life, and then I'm going to be showing you really what the problem is like, what the really the root problem of people pleasing is, and then what to do about it. So make sure that you stick around to the end of the video, because that's where I'm really going to be giving you the solutions to stop people pleasing. So you can really start being your authentic self, this is going to be so powerful for you. So this idea for this video today came from a call that I had with a guy in our transformation program, let's just call him Bob for this video sick. And Bob was saying, you know, Mike, I feel like my biggest problem right now is that I don't have clear boundaries. I feel like I kind of doormat for people. And so if you're someone watching this video, and you're wondering, Well, how do I know if I'm a people pleaser? A couple things here. Do you deal with feelings of being a fraud? Do you deal with feelings of like kind of imposter syndrome? Do you feel like you're overextended? Do you feel over committed? Do you feel that you say yes, more than no? Right? Do you feel guilty? If you don't say yes to someone? Do you feel that you should be helping other people? Right? Do you believe that? It's better to give than to receive? Right? These are just some symptoms here? Do you feel like your schedules always filled up and you never really have enough time for yourself? Do you feel like you kind of bail on plans last minute? Because you said yes to something else. And now that you're kind of in this position where you know, I I can't follow through I I feel like I don't really follow through on what I said I was going to do. Right? And this makes you invariably just feel guilty and kind of less of a man? And are you worried about the emotional repercussions of your actions? If you don't help someone? Or you don't say yes. Right? Those are some symptoms there. And so that was what was going on with Bob. All right. And so as with anything in this world, what we think our problem is, is different than what the actual problem is, think about it in nature. All right, we look at a tree and we look at the leaves or we look at the fruit on the tree. And we think that, you know, the, in this case with people pleasing, we look at the fruit on the tree in the fruit is, you know, I don't have clear boundaries. And I don't have clear limits, right. And so people walk all over me, that's my problem. But if you look at the roots, if you go down beneath the soil, were all amazing things happen. All amazing things happen inside underground first, before they wind up showing up in our exterior world. The problem is actually a lack of, and I'll tell this to you in just a little bit. So Alright, so as we look at people pleasing, you know, a lot of times in our society we say things like it's better to give than receive. But I think that a lot of people pleasing begins with really our past years of our life. I think a lot of it can start in childhood. And so if you think about this for a second, you know, when you're a kid growing up in the world, you know, your parents are rewarding you for good behavior, they're punishing you for bad behavior. And you know, when when we do the right thing, mommy and daddy said we love you right? Hey Mikey, you're such a good boy you did X, Y and Z We love you. And I just want to make this point very clear. This isn't a negative against our parents whatsoever. But this is just the human condition. Right and so then we go into the school system and the teachers say to us, hey, you did a great job in the test great job Mike. Hey, you you pass with flying colors Great job. Hey, you got an F Mikey, you better pick it up or you're gonna fail. Like, you know, your failure. You're not good, you know? So we'd start develop even more conditioning and maybe even in other social circles, you know? People approve of you whether you did the correct behavior, according to what those people wanted. Right? So if you're in social circles, let's say that, you know, for me, I was kind of more in like the sports circle right in. And so if you did really well in sports, or you made the team or whatever you were accepted, right? So I remember in varsity senior year of high school, for me, baseball was my main sport. I love baseball is my first love. And I didn't make I didn't make the varsity team in my senior year. And all my best buddies were on the team, and it was it hurt, right? It hurt. And, you know, you don't make the team, you know, you're kind of looked down upon a little bit. And, and I'm not saying that people necessarily looked down upon me. But that was kind of that perception, right? Because my perception because, you know, you want it to be accepted, you want it to be a part of the club, you want it to be a part of the team. And so what happens when we do these things over a period of time, this is called conditioning, we feel that in order to be accepted, either by teachers, by our friends, social circles, by our parents, by our boyfriend or girlfriend, that we have to act and be a certain way in this creates imposter syndrome. This creates being a fraud, because you're not acting based on your true self, you're based, you're acting based on what other people want from you. And to be accepted is to feel loved. Remember that grade truth that is the ultimate truth, to be accepted, is to be loved and to be loved is to be accepted. All right. And so as we spend a lot of our life searching for acceptance, searching for love, we wind up wind up acting in ways that are totally insane sometimes, and we act we want to believing things that aren't necessarily true. So for example, I said to Bob, in the call, I said, Why do you believe that you need to be will please. And he said, because that if I don't, I will experience some emotional backlash. If I don't if I if I'm not, if I'm not there for people, I'm going to get emotional backlash. And I said, Well, where do you Why do you believe that? And he told me about his past growing up, right? And, and so he grew up in a household where that if, you know, things didn't really, if there was arguments in the house, or whatever, and he wasn't there for his parents, right? If he wasn't the one trying to make sure everything was cleaned up. And, you know, make sure that mom and dad didn't get angry that if he wasn't that guy, then you know, Mom, dad would be angry, and then they would take it out on the kids. And then, you know, for example, not feeling loved and accepted. Right? And so we all have different stories. Maybe it's in childhood, for one, maybe it's, you know, with a boy, with your girlfriend or your wife later on in life, or maybe it's with your social circle and your friends. But thinking about that, that if Oh, if I don't act a certain way, I'm not going to feel loved and accepted. And that right, there is a huge awareness moment. It's a huge lightbulb moment for people to say, oh my gosh. So what are you really teaching yourself about love and acceptance. And maybe you see what I'm getting here too, by the way with the root problem of people pleasing, it's love and acceptance. So the way that you define love and acceptance is going to determine whether you're a people pleaser or not. So if you believe that, to experience true love is to be accepted by other people and have other people love you based on your actions and based on what you do, then you will always be a people pleaser, because you will always be depending on other people to determine your level of acceptance and love in life. The reason human beings sabotage themselves, the reason why men sabotage themselves from becoming the man that they are meant to be, is because that we don't truly love and accept ourselves for who we are. We create an image of perfection in our mind, based on what stories we've been told in our past, we create an image of perfection that we say, once I live up to this image, once I live up to this guy, then I love myself, then I'll truly accept myself for who I am. But that is an illusion. Because perfectionism doesn't exist. We know that chases never end. And so when we don't live up to this expectation that we've been told is the perfect version of you. Right? We will sabotage ourselves we will we will put ourselves down. Right? We will wind up chasing material things chasing the compliments of other people chasing the acceptance of other people to feel that love and acceptance, right. The solution to people pleasing and showing up as your true authentic self. Where your best life lives, is accepting yourself for who you are in loving yourself for who you are. This is the solution. It starts with self love. self love is not sitting down on a Friday night eating a bowl of ice cream. Alright, and if you want to have I mean, look, I went out for ice cream with my buddy on Friday night. It was awesome. But that's not self love. That's just enjoying life. Write real self love is looking at the flaws, the weaknesses, the strengths, the milestones, the regrets of your past and loving them for what they are. Because these are the things that have built you into where you are as a human being right now this is part of your unique story. And until you love and accept, then until you love and accept yourself, until you do that, you will forever be chasing an image of perfection, you will forever be chasing an illusion. This is maybe one of the most important videos that you ever watch in your life. Because this is the key to unlocking true love and fulfillment and inner peace in your life. Right here by simply loving who you are right now recognizing that Yeah, there are some things that I need to improve upon as a human being right? There's some things there's some chinks in my character that I that I'm working on. But that's part of self love. It's like, yeah, you know what I am working on myself. And you know what, I'm not perfect, and I'm never going to be perfect, and this is who I am. And this is who I'm working to grow myself into. And I love that I love my journey, and I love myself, and I forgive, you know, forgive yourself, for all the suffering that you've put yourself through. Forgive the people in your past that have caused you pain and suffering, forgive those people. Because until you do that, you cannot experience the highest levels of love, joy, peace, and fulfillment. Boom, I hope this video is incredibly powerful for you. I hope this unlocks some very, very deep levels of inner peace, right? allow that to kind of just come out and look, you know, I've spent so many years of my life just sabotaging myself from higher levels of happiness purely based on this idea of I should be this guy. Right? And the truth is, is that that's it on authentic to say that, right? And so yeah, if you are looking to really get results, like Bob did in our transformation program on that call, it just unlocked so much more raw power for him, you can definitely just click the link below and book a free exploratory call with Scott or myself, you can pick a time that works best for you. And what Scott and I are going to do on this call, it's a free call, it's not a sales call, we're just going to help you gain massive clarity around where you're at what you need to be doing in order to move to a higher level in life, right and the solutions to get there and I'm like what are those action steps and just that clarity is going to be so powerful you as you move on to a higher level in your life. Especially if you're in a spot right now if you feel like you've been kind of in this up and down yo yo pattern of life, you feel like you're not tapping into your highest levels of potential or maybe you're just feeling completely stuck. So you can go to the link below book that free call and Scott and I are going to be stoked to connect with you. So guys, hope you love this video so much. I hope it was super valuable for you and I'm out Have a good one.